Always amazed that I can not look at this blog for a couple months, go back to it, and agree with the things I wrote, though I do not know why I should be surprised by that.
Years ago, when I could feel the energy constantly being sapped from me, I decided to put a part of my mind asleep with the intention of reawakening it a few years later. The decision was based on the fact that I was driving myself forward at an inhuman pace. I would walk past snow banks and think about how soft and comfortable they looked, and have to stop myself from just laying down for a nap. The problem was that the part I put to sleep was what was driving me.
It worked, and I was able to go on and finish what I needed to without destroying myself. The time that I had chosen to reengage the hyper drive came and went, though. I had established a flow of life where, if I brought it back, there would not be anyone around who would recognize it, and it would most likely scare them. Did it damage me by not coming back at the specific time? Maybe, maybe not.
I was a bit surprised a few weeks ago by a spark. Working through a thought process, what I would call the "old me," what people from the past would call "me," and what people today would call "strange," unexpectedly came through to finish the thought. Was this flash a sign that something was returning? Could my life these days handle that return? If presented with the right opportunity, I am going to let it go and see what happens. If it does truly reawaken, I am not putting it back to sleep, ever. Some will welcome that, some will not like it. The reason I know it's returning is that I do not give a fuck what anyone thinks of it, it's me. Deal with it, or get out of my way.
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